Shameless Hucksterism And Misinformation Hosted By Davy Jones Of "The Monkees"

All I said was, “Infomercials are fake TV shows. Fake cooking shows; fake talk shows. The goal is to sell old Don Kirshner music; why not create a fake “awards show” where every song included in the set is “nominated” for “an award?”

Previous half-hour music infomercials had relied on black and white stock footage, stock photos and graphics, and a gaggle of sincere amateur dancers. Why not make this one different? Why not make this one classy? “The Don Kirshner Rock Awards.” WARNING: Next clip about one minute. You sure you don’t want that novocaine?

[2021 note: Don's embedded video is missing.]

As the script devolved, all of the old tried-and-true elements worked their way back in – the dreary smeary stock footage (some of which is clearly from the 50’s), the mind-numbing graphics, the clumsy dancers. The “classy” opening, as shot, features a dazzling sign so glamorous that it had been previously been used to announce bake sales and tractor pulls. One limousine goes round and round the block, picking up rock n’ roll superstars at the back of the building and dropping them off in front of the fifteen people who symbolize an adoring crowd at the front entrance.

My unidentified co-conspirator and I were proactive in preventing screen credit for ourselves. We were invited to the taping but escaped with our lives – if not out honor – intact.

Mr. Kirshner, Mr. Jones, Mr. Derringer, Mr. Maestro, Mr. Siegel, Mr. Cavaliere, Mr. Dante – this is the public apology for which you’ve waited decades. I’m sorry. We all were.

The Washington Post reported in 2004 that Don Kirshner, Upsala College’s most famous graduate, currently resides in a gated community. No word regarding which of two possible functions they had in mind when they separated Kirshner from the rest of the world with that gate.